Credit: Stressed at work by g-stockstudio via Shutterstock
On November 14th last year, I became a mother. I transitioned from being a woman to a mom and would eventually transition from being a working woman to a working mom. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined having to consider quitting my job post this change. Never. That discussion wasn’t even on the table. In fact, I worked up to the very day my water broke. That’s my level of commitment. But today, after almost 10 months of motherhood and 4 months of being a working mom post maternity leave, I’m depressed, annoyed and forced to look at other options. I’m being forced to contemplate quitting my job post motherhood. The systemic barriers are killing my ambitions, one policy at a time.
I hold an Engineering Degree and have a work experience of about 9 years. 9 years of working and surviving in this environment where even today equality is just a policy and not reality. But, I was and still am ready to give it my all. I’m a sincere employee, finish my work on time, work fast and work well as well. In fact, I’m better than an average employee. I have even over-compensated by working twice as hard post maternity leave. Though I know I probably shouldn’t have but still, I did for we women with families, rather mothers returning to work are looked upon as weak team members. And I didn’t want that impression for myself. But today, I have no project as it happens in our industry. But even that isn’t an issue for I’ll eventually get one. The issue is the current policies and mindset in the Industry doesn’t help women with families have careers. And I have a problem with that.
I’m struggling and I’ve already started looking for a change. I cannot give more years and hours to a company which doesn’t care about my well-being.
Companies do not understand the constraints we work under. They don’t provide an environment conducive to diversity in terms of gender distribution at the workplace. And hence is it really surprising that more and more women drop out post motherhood?
The systemic barriers are killing my ambitions one policy at a time. #WorkingWomen #IndianITCompanies Click To Tweet
Our biology is such that children need mothers more than their fathers, especially in the first few years. Take my example, I leave my daughter at the creche next to my office and have to go and feed her at least once during the day. And I do that during my lunch time, sometimes even skipping lunch to not affect the time I put in at work. I don’t spend time idling with colleagues and friends either. In fact, I do not even take breaks. So, when after doing all this, I’m told that my not being able to take a project which requires me to travel 4 to 5 hours daily from one end of the city to the other will harm my standing at work, I feel cheated. I wonder if any man or the manager asking me to do this ever had to face such situations or ever had to balance career and work. It isn’t easy.
According to a survey conducted last year by the Social Development Foundation of Assocham among new mothers from 10 cities, about 25% had to quit their jobs. I’d like to see a similar statistic for men before I’m told this is just an excuse women make. Source
I call this killing ambitions. We are being forced out of the workforce. We are being forced to look for options outside and when there is none, we are being forced to turn into a statistic. Worldwide, 43% of women end up giving up their careers post motherhood and not all of them do it out of choice. I personally feel the situation is far worse in India, especially speaking from my experience in the India IT Industry. This is an industry which excels in squeezing every ounce of ambition out of women.
We don’t have policies to aid us women manage both work and life as mothers. Though there are talks about having more female leaders at the top management levels, these companies don’t do enough to retain us in the middle management. Lack of work from home policies or flexible working hours hinder our progress. Our concerns fall on deaf ears. What I don’t understand is why these companies can’t do the math. Isn’t it in their favour to retain good, experienced employees? They anyways pay us less than our male counterparts so even that is beneficial for them. All this hullabaloo about increasing the male to female ratio is just tall talk, is it?
This is how the Indian Inc Forces women to quit their jobs post motherhood
Lack of flexible working hours.
Lack of work from home policies.
Managers and HRs not sensitized about helping working mothers.
Working late is awarded and not working well in less time.
No creche at the workplace. This might change in the near future, though.
Promotions and good appraisals become hard to come by.
Leaving work early or taking leaves for your sick child is used as an excuse to not reward women at work.
Mandatory 9 to 10 hours of office time even though it’s not needed daily.
The companies don’t care enough.
No sick leaves, at least where I work.
With the nuclear family set up which is more prevalent these days, these companies need to do more. But somehow, they don’t seem bothered.
While more and more women try to lean in and sit at the table, we are being forced to leave the table. In fact, we are being forced to walk out of the door. Click To Tweet
Here are some statistics with respect to India for you.
Women make up only 24% of the workforce at Entry to Manager level.
This number falls down to 14% at the level of Executive Officers.
Women hold only 7.7% of board seats.
54% of companies on the Bombay Stock exchange have no women board directors.
There is a huge leadership gap. The problem is half of the population is being, for lack of a better word, ignored. A few policies need to be changed and implemented to see the shift, just a few actually. But there seems to be a lack of will. While more and more women try to lean in and sit at the table, we are being forced to leave the table. In fact, we are being forced to walk out of the door.
While words like Automation, Resource Optimization, Artificial Intelligence, Cost Saving etc sound very good coming from Industry Leaders, it avails to nothing when simple day to day problems are not solved. This myopic vision of growth is archaic and condemnable. How far can a company or an industry grow or survive when good workers keep dropping off or rather where good employees are being forced to leave? Think about it.
I don’t know what is going to happen to me. But I do know this, I will not go down without a fight or till I reach the breaking point. Today, I feel like I’m standing on a ledge and my company is forcing me to jump into an abyss. Only time will tell if I make that jump or if I find a solution. Whatever happens, I promise to keep you posted.
Do you have a similar experience? What’s your take on this issue?
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My sister has been facing this since she gave birth a few months before you did. She’s in the US military, which has been working on downsizing, and they’ve been trying to leverage her baby against her so she’ll just leave on her own. Fortunately she has a support network. That’s almost as important as having the strength of will, and character, you’re displaying.
I just feel sad reading this, Naba. I have been through the struggle and l quit as did so many mothers. It was impossible hold a stressful career especially with no help from workplace. I do hope that things change. I don’t know if they will anytime soon. Judy wish you good luck.
Naba you’ve brilliantly brought out the saga of every working woman/mother. Killing ambitions is exactly what the industry is doing. Its as if you have to give up on everything normal once you become a mom. Prejudices like these are still a long way from being out of our systems. MNC’s only adopt western work cultures like working late, never good values like paternity leaves or compassion for working moms. Sad! Keep up your chin girl and look for better alternatives.
First and foremost, the mentality of people needs to change. The whole concept of late hours equals to working hard is the cause why there’s no work life balance, why most of the IT professionals are always frustrated and angry. People don’t get the concept of efficiency!!! Don’t let this get you!! You be as efficient and hardworking as you already are. My first manager and super-manager were amazing ladies. Calm, professional and mothers. I am sure you will reach that and much more.
why dont you take writing as a full time career? I am sure you can do really well in this field in the years to come…If you can make that much money yourself why rely on others..have the freedom to choose your working hours.. 🙂
It’s a common story. When I was at Associate Manager level, a Senior Manager had asked me that why with so much experience, you are still an AM. My only response was I got married and have two children. It affects the woman more than the man. Like you say, we have to work doubly hard and doubly longer to get there. Naba, do not become a statistic. Tomorrow, we need a woman at the top to make that decision to allow compassion to a new mother. Right now, these decisions are made by men whose wives, atleast 90% of them, are not employed.
I understand completely what you say and even I feel lack of flexibility options for women is like killing their ambitions post motherhood. I worked in a company where they give flexible hours, work from home options and they never look down me for taking an emergency leave in case of a sick child. But, some problems that i faced are no appreciation or promotion even if we work hard when we avail flexi options. There is no creche in office, so its not possible to work without anyone’s support at home. I work quick and efficient and sometimes had to spend more time than colleagues because of flexi options. I managed everything but no recognition of good work forces me to kill my career aspirations. As you said, high leadership should be sensitive to working mothers.
Corporates today must wake up to gaping inequality and workplace gender biases. It’s true, that having children and being married should not be an obstacle in the career path. It’s extremely unfair.
Very angry to read this. If only taking legal recourse was easy in this country, I would have even asked you to do that…and get a hefty compensation out of these folks.
Hope you find an employer that encourages ambitions, not kills them!
Very angry to read this. If only taking legal recourse was easy in this country, I would have even asked you to do that…and get a hefty compensation out of these folks.
Hope you find an employer that encourages ambitions, not kills them!
This is absolutely shocking and I agree how many companies just want to work on the gender ratio but not on making the work place suitable for women. Clock in the hours, no flexible work arrangements and then the mindset makes it hard for a working mother.
You need to find a place Naba that values your talent. A change is important and if that gives you better environment, go for it. The company where you work for, doesn’t deserve your hard work and dedication.
Sad… All the more when it is meted out to the committed employees who have served the company for almost a decade…
It saddens me to read this. Its not just about Infosys but the other 2 giants in the IT industry, IBM and TCS where husband has worked are no better when it comes to having adequate policies for working mothers and even if they might be having, the people who run the shows in the projects are regular men whose mentality we know well. Being the person who gave up the workforce, I can’t say if I have the capacity to tell you to keep fighting. Yet I do not want to see you failing.
Oh this makes me so sad, and angry too. It’s so hard for working women, and it really shouldn’t be, not in this day and age especially. I am a SAHM so don’t have this issue but it’s a real problem for my friends. #mg
Its sad to see career slow down after having a baby. I stopped working during last month of first pregnancy. Since then trying to work from home. Even work from home as a mother is very difficult.
Naba, you nailed down the MNCs with your post. It’s very sad to read this. Prayers for this to change soon.
Naba,
I am from SHEROES and We saw this amazing post and wanted to connect to you to share this on our platform and invite you to help other women though our career connect forum. You hit the nail on the head and we really loved how you identified the mitigating factors forcing women to leave their jobs post having a baby. Would love to connect.
You know this is one of my biggest fears about motherhood. I’m a workaholic and can put aside anything for work, but I doubt being a mother works that way.
I work in a very woman friendly MNC and I have many women in my team. But yeah, the sword hangs on them the minute they get pregnant. It is scary.
I once attended a round table conference for women in leading roles in the work place and I saw that after the age of 28, most women choose to quit their jobs or stay in stagnant roles than march ahead. I know women in their late thirties working junior jobs as they do not want a promotion and take on additional responsibilities. Women like these are not helping the management either.
I hope you find something soon. Good luck.
It’s certainly not easy managing work and a small baby at the same time. And when your firm does eveything it can to disincentivize you, it can be very frustrating and also energy draining. I wish you luck Naba. If not this firm, I hope you can find another place that has better policies.
At a time when so many companies encourage people to work from home, it’s shocking that your company can’t come up with solutions. Have they ever considered something as simple as a creche at the workplace? I’m sorry that you are going through this, Naba.
If that is the case, it is really unfortunate. What happens to CSR? Is it all a hypocrisy? There is a need to press for legislation too.
How utterly disheartening. I long for a time when there is gender equality but sadly I don’t think it will ever happen in my lifetime X #mg
I’m so sorry. It’s really too bad they can’t be more flexible with you, especially after everything you have done for them. And you’re right. It’s really hypocritical because I don’t feel this same vibe with men in the workforce.
That is enormously frustrating, especially because there is so much talk about getting more women into leadership positions and then no support when they go after these positions.
I can empathise with you Naba, cause I have been in a similar situation. I worked for a bank and all was fine, until my first child was born. Despite the fact that I would give it my best, my inability to work late hours was looked as a failure. My promotion was stalled. Yes I was forced to quit, cause I quite gave up.
And agree the top rung of any organisation are predominantly men. Where are the women? Cause they have left the race, well before their time!!!!!
This is really sad. And this is one reason why many women give up work after kids. I did too. We do need more flexibility. And worse – this idea that people who hang around at office for longer hours are working harder. I hate that idea.
I am sorry to read this! I can understand what you are going through. I was given a B rating, despite being the most contributing member of the team, simply because I worked from home during my pregnancy as I was not able to walk due to severe knee pain. Like you, I was working till the day I gave birth. Anyways, by then I had made up my mind to quit, so I didn’t care either ways.
Difficult issue..with simple solutions suggested. Well said “Working late is awarded not working well in time” Hope to see comapanies taking into account new mothers so that our daughters don’t have to face this question
This is really sad and annoying at the same time! There are no proper policies in MNC’s to overcome this and to provide good treatment to their employees. Don’t know why but in India there is no value of sincere employees! Sad but a bitter truth! 🙁
Naba, while there is a lot of flexibility here in US; equality is still only a distant dream. And flexibility is not a ‘working mom’ thing – it’s the work culture here, so it is easily available. Sad state of affairs, but such is life. I can only hope for a better tomorrow for women everywhere.
This unfortunately is the situation at most companies – specially Indian companies – it doesnt matter if its IT or FMCG! I am a victim of it and I understand what you are going through. I did a lot of work from home while i was pregnant because i was not in a position to travel 12 kms a side to office. Though the boss was generous enough to offer WFH other colleagues had a problem with it!!! I worked till the day I was admitted in the hospital but also got to hear from the HR during appraisal that my contribution wasnt enough because i was WFH!!! The worst part I worked more than 13-14 hrs a day while being 9 months preg because thats what you hear when you do WFH – you are home you can log in anytime! My leaves were also ‘adjusted’ because I worked from home, and i had worked for the company for almost 7 years. So I guess the decision of quitting the org was good for me.
This is such an important topic and this post is doing justice to it
Shocked. Take care, dear. I’m with you.
This is so sad and just so unfair, so sorry, I wish that our world was more understanding #mg
This is unfortunate but sadly not surprising. Companies finally treat all employees as resources and no matter how much a person devotes his time and energy to benefit the company, he or she is just a resource that can be dispensed away with when the time comes. DO fight for your right, Naba but finally, do remember that you should do what you feel is correct and gives you happiness.