We all should get second chances in life, shouldn’t we? Then why is being a divorcee such a taboo? Think about that for a minute while I tell you a story.
A girl in your office is getting married but she is very hush hush about it. She is happy but is scared to talk about her impending wedding. She wants to invite her colleagues but she’s hesitant. It’s when she finally opens up to one of her colleagues that you come to know the reason for her hesitation. She is a divorcee and being one she feared judgement from her colleagues for getting married a second time. She knew there would be questions. The hows, whys and whats, scared her, made her uncomfortable. So, she decided to not mention her wedding as much as possible. I’m sure after her first experience with being married she already must have had enough apprehensions going into it for the second time. But the frowns and whispers of the society increased that manifold. It sucked the joy out of something that could be so beautiful even if a second time around.
My question thus is, why should it be so? Why is divorce looked upon as something so terrible? Why are divorcees frowned upon? Or, rather, don’t divorcees deserve a chance at a normal life without the raised eyebrows? Why is remarriage such an awkward topic? Why should anyone be in unhappy relationships for keeping the society happy?
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I think everyone deserves infinite chances at happiness. And when relationships don’t work out, it makes no sense staying in one. You get one life to live, so why compromise? Now don’t tell me it’s for the family or the children. The fact is you need to be happy to keep others happy. Hence, divorce should be looked upon as that chance and not something that can only be talked about in back alleys.
“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.”
― Jennifer Weiner, Fly Away Home
I have heard of women committing suicide when it becomes difficult to bear the torture at the hands of the in-laws or indifference from their husbands. I have seen unhappy women trying to make it work with extremely difficult men who just can’t seem to be pleased. I’m sure there are men who are in unhappy relationships too. And they, women and men alike, suffer through these suffocating relationships leading unhappy lives. And do you know why they do that? Because divorce is a taboo and being a divorcee, apparently, wrong.
I don’t know about you but I tell my sister and I will tell my daughter too when she is old enough that you never have to stay in a bad and unhappy marriage for the sake of anybody. You try to make it work up to a point but when that doesn’t work, leave. In fact, every daughter, every son, every child must be taught that so that we don’t stifle promising lives for some imaginary honour linked to marriage. And you must know it is more so if you are a woman.
A few months back a young woman of 26 committed suicide because she couldn’t take the torture anymore. She was a topper, a gold medalist. Imagine what all she could have done in life if she had been taught that marriage is not everything in life, that divorce is not a bad thing at all. Who knew she could have even found the right man for her at some later stage in life. All she needed to do was walk out of that house, that marriage that made her so miserable. She could have been alive and after a few days, happy.
So, the next time you hear about someone getting divorced or remarried wish them luck and don’t make them uncomfortable. And certainly, don’t sit judging them. Yes, a strong relationship needs work but when most of the times someone decides to seek a divorce, they must have already faced the last straw. Make the change in your outlook. Remember, individually we might be just one drop in the ocean but together we could change the way marriage, divorce, divorcees and remarriage are perceived in society. The way relationships are perceived by this society.
So are you with me?