Does life end for a woman after becoming a mother or after getting married?

Apparently, it does. I was talking to a couple of girls a few weeks back and that’s when I was enlightened with this gem of a revelation. Not that it was something I hadn’t heard before or that it hadn’t been insinuated before but it caught me off guard that day. If I go by their theory, as I’ve been married for ages now (yes, 7 and a half years is a long time by today’s standards) and also a mother for about 3, I have done all that I need to do in life. I have done everything and must probably atrophy. More like, for me, there is really nothing to look forward in life. 

And it got me thinking. If I’m not wrong, this is a fallacy ingrained in our minds. As if the only aim in a woman, or even a man’s life at times, is to get married and have children, that life becomes mundane and boring after that. Life ends after your 20s or life ends after your 30s and all such absurdity.

Tell you what, this thought process couldn’t be more wrong. In fact, a few months back, when someone told me that there is no time for love after becoming parents, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. Yes, I beg to differ with this myth about life taking a downward turn once you become a parent and so should you.

Somewhere we seem to forget that life is so much more than the roles you play. Most importantly your life is about you and it doesn’t end with the socially designated milestones. And being married or becoming a parent has nothing to do with all that you were doing in life and all that you want to keep doing in life. This belief that women have nothing to look forward to beyond marriage or motherhood irks me as if women are born only to play a passive role in their lives.

Yes, with marriage and children, responsibilities increase and you are always running against time. But you can still make time for love, for things you love and for yourselves. There is so much I still want to do in life. There is so much I’m still doing in life. And there is so much I haven’t stopped doing even with every new role I have taken up in life. I still get disappointed when I don’t get what I wish for myself. And I get elated when I achieve something, anything. So, being a parent or married has only added to my life, not decayed my existence as an individual.

I think the general belief is that a woman has only up to when she is married, to actually enjoy her life, to fulfil her wishes. Sometimes this timeline is extended till she has kids but that’s about all the time society thinks we have. I think it’s time we change this perception. If you have been reading my blog for the past few years then you know well how I have continued doing the things I love all through my pregnancy and now that I have been on mommy duty for about 3 years. It hasn’t been easy, far from it actually. But do you know something? The desire to continue being me gives me the contentment that I thrive on.

I’m not saying I have all the time in the world to pursue my passions. In fact, there are things I have to postpone too. But I still look forward to my morning tea with the husband in our balcony. I look forward to our dates. I look forward to watching movies and reading books. I look forward to shopping, travelling too. So, when someone assumes that there is nothing left in my life to look forward to, nothing exciting, I’m not quite sure what I feel. Maybe a little annoyed and a little amused.

I think it’s somewhere in our psyche as a society to limit ourselves, especially women, to the confines of our roles in the family. And somewhere women start believing that that’s the case. But it’s not. Today, marriage or motherhood alone doesn’t define our lives. They should have never but now more than ever I’m seeing women focus on themselves as well as their dreams. And I’m one of them. So, as long as fate or destiny or some higher power approves, I’m going to try to find something to look forward to because the day I don’t, I’ll have nothing to live for.

So, I wish for everyone to look beyond their so-called roles and find joy in their lives for themselves to start with, especially women who are told more often than not to do the complete opposite. Because life in itself is a very tough journey and you can’t go through it if you stop doing the things you love or if you stop living for yourself. Yes, the women need to remember they have everything to look forward to in life irrespective of marriage or motherhood. And women need to also remember to remind each other of this very fact.