Pic Credit | Stokkete via Shutterstock
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”― Alexander Pope
If only it were that simple. We all expect something extra even when we say that we don’t. A little more love. A little more understanding. More money. More happiness. More leaves! Appreciation, acknowledgement and accolades. More time. More opportunities. Basically, more of everything else. And if not more then at least what we deserve or what we think we deserve. It’s a very human thing to do, very natural. But when that doesn’t happen, it’s disappointment that we are forced to come face to face with. And how do we deal with that disappointment is sometimes the million dollar question because the world is certainly not kind enough to always give you what you deserve.
“There are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. And when they let you down, shifting from where you’ve carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand.”― Sarah Dessen, Someone Like You
Anger, Denial or trying one more time?
Truth is, disappointments are hard to deal with whether in relationships or at work. What sense does it make when everything you have worked for is turned a blind eye to or when someone you had faith in forsakes you?
Disappointments happen when our efforts go unrecognised when we fail in spite of putting our sincere efforts in whatever it is we are doing. It’s anything but simple to deal with the void you feel when that happens. It’s often seen as a failure despite your best efforts. Seeing beyond that is not possible at most times. But in the midst of all the mopping, heartbreak and tears, if we can just hold on to that fact that we tried, that we gave it our all, it would perhaps help us in the long run.
I worked really hard this past year. And even won accolades from my clients for the same. Handling huge releases is in itself challenging for anyone. Do that while managing a home and a naughty two-year-old while rushing from work to home and back and you’ll know expecting favourable returns for that is well, acceptable. Naturally, I wanted to be given my due but surprise, surprise that didn’t happen because maybe it’s just my luck. And I sulked. I won’t lie that hurt quite a bit and made me want to weigh my options even quit because isn’t that the easier way out?
Of course, if we are being positive then disappointments may be and perhaps should be looked at as blessings too. But I’m not saying that’s an easy thing to do. Well, certainly not for me. It needs work. Sometimes a lot of work.
“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”― Eliza Tabor Stephenson
So many times we come across posts on how people gave up their lives when a relationship failed or when they failed to achieve something they wanted to. This is what the cloak of disappointment does to you because it comes dressed up as a failure. And that’s why I want all of us to remember a few things which might help.
Disappointment isn’t a failure. And even if it is, failure isn’t bad. In fact, as cliched as it sounds, disappointments are opportunities to reevaluate and reinvent not forgetting that we have done our best. It is going to take a lot of heart and effort to do that, I know. But it would do us good to remember that it can be done. Disappointments are rarely due to faults of our own and as you know we rarely have control over what someone else does or doesn’t. So, why take their error as our defeat and give it a negative tinge for us.
While coming up with this post I realised it’s not my fault that the powers that be couldn’t see or even acknowledge how much I have done and without any help from them. So why should I quit? I did nothing wrong. If anything it’s a shortcoming at their end that they couldn’t appreciate how much hard I worked. And if failure is bad then it is them who have failed, not I. I know I have been sincere and with time I’ll get my due. After all, every dog has his day, right? I need to believe in that, in some sort of justice in this world. So for the moment, I have taken refuge in the knowledge of that and for the lack of a better word, some bitching with my friends to deal with this disappointment. Hey, I never said I was a saint!
Every #disappointment is an inspiration because it ignites in us the will, the anger to do something about it. Click To Tweet
“A pier is a disappointed bridge; yet stare at it for long enough and you can dream it to the other side of the Channel.”― Julian Barnes, Flaubert’s Parrot
I’m not saying any part of dealing with disappointment is easy. I’m not trying to sermonize here because when I see the faces of those who led me to this point of distress, I feel anything but inspired to go past this. I’m not going to forgive them but I won’t punish myself either. So, I’ll get past this keeping in mind what they did to me or didn’t do for me. It’s not my fault and I certainly can’t let this ruin the other aspects of my life. So, I’m going to get over this disappointment and put this behind me even if it takes time.
Tell me do you have any tips for dealing with disappointment?