How To Be A Calm Mom? #MommyTalks

How to be a calm mom?


But first tell me, can parenting and calmness go hand in hand?


Well, I’m anything but a calm parent. In fact, patience never really has been one of my virtues. Obviously, things didn’t change overnight once I became a mom. Though I would have loved it had that happened. But apparently, you still stay the same restless person on transitioning to motherhood. Anyway. As expected, I’m one of those moms who takes virtually no time to fly off the handle. Honestly, I don’t blame myself for that either but trust me when I say this, it isn’t a good feeling at all.


When you have literally no time to waste, a home, a kid and a job to take care of, the reaction is quite natural wouldn’t you say? With the kind of work and physical stress, I am under every other day, even the smallest of things become big enough to aggravate me. But what happens then is that I often end up yelling at M. Yes, my 2-year-old when I really don’t want to. Try as I might to stay calm, I eventually end up scolding her or reprimanding her a little too much. And then the guilt trip is not pleasant at all. Honestly, I don’t really want to be that mom, that volatile person who others might have to tiptoe around just because I’ve had a long hard day.


But what can I do?



I cannot change my daily schedule or stop doing all the things that I am or the things that I have to. I already have all the help I can hire but even that doesn’t seem to be enough. So, within my constraints, what can I change? What can I change that after a long hard day of work, I don’t yell at my 2-year-old who herself spends the whole day at the daycare? How to be a calm mom?


I don’t really want to be that mom, that volatile person who others might have to tiptoe around just because I’ve had a long hard day.


Maybe looking at the triggers will help?


One of the things that get on my nerves is when I don’t find the time to read or to just focus on me. That happens when M takes a long time to sleep. What happens then is when she eventually does fall asleep, I’m too exhausted to read or do anything that interests me. Basically, I find myself shortchanged for time for myself. Perhaps what I need to do is try to put her to bed earlier than I do after a warm bath? I have done enough reading on the internet and spoken to enough mothers from daycare to know that it takes time for a kid to fall into a routine. Maybe I need to work on that aspect. The thing with me sometimes is that when a plan works for 2 days but doesn’t for the next few I stop especially when it has to do with M. So, maybe this time I just need to keep at it till M adjusts to this. Well, sounds like a plan, doesn’t it? Once she goes to bed early, I think I can find some me time after all the chores? Well, let’s revisit this after a few months, shall we?


The other thing which probably leads to me losing my calm is that I’m a Type A person. So, I need everything to be done on time, in a particular order, well, my order and always, always by me! What happens then is I don’t take a break in between chores. This means that when M becomes cranky or doesn’t let me do things as I planned, I get irritated and end up scolding her when there really is no need of it. My husband often tells me that nobody can help me because I’m just not open to being helped. And, as hard as it is to admit, he is right. Don’t tell him though! So, maybe I need to teach myself that with a 2-year-old in tow, I need to work around her mood. And more importantly, I don’t have to wait till every chore is completed before taking a break. Small breaks in between are the key. Again, let’s see if I can work on it.


I think it will do me good to split my time. I can’t do everything together. I cannot do my work and also be with M. I cannot do the household chores and focus on M at the same time. Everything needs to done around M, around being a mom. I’m not saying I’ll have to stop doing the things I love to do or need to do for me because that’s important too. It’s just that I’ll have to plan things around M because it’s not her fault that I have so much on my plate. Also, because I need to be a happy mom and not end up being a cranky mom, a cranky person.


I know things are not going to change overnight but it also doesn’t mean they never will. Just like mindfulness is something which I have been working on as a mom, being calm, not losing my temper at every little thing and most importantly not taking out my stress on M, is something I’m going to need to work on. Well, wish me luck!


Let me know if you have any tips for me.


Are you wondering how To Be A Calm Mom? Me too. I think about the stress of motherhood and being a working mom. How I can change things and be a calm mom instead of always being an exhausted mom. #MommyTalks #MomLife #Motherhood #Parenting #TerribleTwos #Mom #BeingaMom

Pic Credit | By ZephyrMedia via Shutterstock

9 thoughts on “How To Be A Calm Mom? #MommyTalks”

  1. Haha I should refer this post to my mommy friends. Al i can tell you is you’re not alon ein your struggles, and there’s plenty of help available if you ask for it 🙂
    Damyanti recently posted…What is Your Blog About?My Profile

  2. I am obviously not a mom but I still read this post with a lot of interest!
    One thing that kind of stood out for me here was that it felt you don’t seem to ‘trust’ your husband enough to take on parts of the task list that you have assigned all to yourself. In fact, I would even suggest that you both split the items on that list equally. That should help, I feel.
    Rickie Khosla recently posted…Raghuram Rajan’s Last Day At The OfficeMy Profile

  3. I think you have given the answers yourself, Naba. You have to delegate and let go. Being a young working mother is really tough. And you will burn out if you want to handle everything yourself. Obviously then you would be cranky and tired and it will come out on M. So yes take small breaks. Establish a routine for her so that she falls asleep by the same time every night and seek S’s help. He is good with M. Then you can relax a bit. Hugs, dear. It is time for us to meet!
    Rachna recently posted…Let Our Children Be the Best Version of ThemselvesMy Profile

  4. You’ve answered your own question. We have to work around our circumstances, not against them. And kids will find ways to get on our nerves no matter how old or young they are so don’t blame yourself. I agree that kids take a long time to settle into a routine so give yourself at least two weeks before giving up on a routine. And hugs, it gets better. Not easier but better 🙂

  5. I heard a version of your post on phone today from one of my sister in laws. Oh my God, I can see being a mother is a lot of hard work and patience. Wish you all the luck and joy for this journey.

  6. Oh, I know this situation a little too well, Naba! I have to compromise on the things that I like to do to accommodate my little one’s needs and demands. I try to practice yoga, he is on top of me or under me. I try to read, he is pulling my hair or snatching the book away. I try to write, I end up running to save my laptop from his clutches. The list is endless. I end up scolding him, getting angry at him, losing my patience and feeling guilty. I am on the verge of tears most of the days. But if I could accept that I have to adjust until he grows up a little to understand that mommy needs her time, then I wouldn’t be feeling this frustrated. The good part is they won’t stay a 2-year-olds forever. The bad side is they will grow up needing little attention from us and we will start to miss all this. It will get better, Naba. Hugs. <3
    Vinitha recently posted…A different kind of writer’s blockMy Profile

  7. I’m not the person who can give any tips but I can relate to you about being a Type A person. I need things to be done properly and it bothers me no end when I (or someone else) am not able to complete a task well. I slowly learned to be flexible and go easy on myself. I’m trying to be more tolerant of others when they help me coz I learn to focus on what I could do during the time they took to complete the work. And I learnt it’s ok if things aren’t perfect.

    I make use of my commute to read, write, and do stuff I *need* to do to maintain my sanity. I also write down everything I need to do, that way it hits me clearly when i’ve Over planned my day.

    I’m sure you’ll figure out a routine that works well for you and your daughter. Just hang in there, you’re doing great and things will be fine 🙂

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