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A few weeks back we had some acquaintances over for lunch when a remark by one of the guests made me reevaluate my take on the whole concept of the evil eye.
I don’t know what the beliefs are in the other parts of the world but in India, many believe in the concept of misfortune, ill health or injury due to the evil eye. We call it nazar. It is basically the occurrence of something untoward due to something being said or even a glare by someone.
As a student of science, I don’t want to believe in these things. Actually, in most cases, I don’t but then there is also a part of me which does. I’m also certain that in moments of weakness the human mind rationalises these beliefs. But still, a part of me doesn’t completely negate these beliefs either. Why that is also the reason why M wears a charm to ward off anything, well, evil.
Maybe it’s the mother in me which makes it difficult to question these beliefs now. Then there is also a part of me which says what could be the harm in being careful?
Also, as I’m growing older, I find it difficult to dis every other belief of my elders and my culture. Yes, some I still find hard to digest but there are also those which I want to find out about more before forming an opinion. Basically, as long as a belief doesn’t ostracise or hurt someone, I’m willing to listen before articulating my view on it. But more on that in some other post. Today, it’s about the evil eye.
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So, that day one of the guests told us in no uncertain terms that M would fall sick. Yes, almost in those very words that she would fall sick. S and I were left dumbfounded. We really didn’t know how to respond to him. So, we let it pass. He was, after all, our guest and we concentrated on serving him and the others instead.
But two days after that, M did fall sick. We had almost forgotten this episode when she was suddenly down with fever and chest congestion. Of course, the changing weather and M going to crèche could be the very reasons for this sudden ill health. And it’s okay because kids get sick. Also, I rather have her learning and mingling in the crèche than being at home. But I just couldn’t shake off the feeling that a prophecy had been fulfilled, a bad one indeed.
A lot of questions crept up in our minds as a result of this. Was it really an evil eye? Should we be more careful with M? Were we overreacting, we must be overreacting?
And then some probably sane questions. Who talks like that? We never go and tell someone, let alone their child, that you will fall sick. What kind of behaviour was that?
Well, whatever the reason, evil eye or not, we decided that this was a very wrong thing to say to parents. Maybe M falling sick was a coincidence and a result of the weather. In fact, I know it probably was. Kids fall sick all the time and frequently too when they are that young. So, maybe what he said had no bearing on what happened to M. Maybe there is no evil eye. But it certainly was an evil-kind-of-thing to say that my child will definitely fall sick. Don’t you think?
Tell me, do you believe in the evil eye?
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With this post, I start the #MommyTalks Bi-Weekly Link up on my blog for the very first time. Come, share your stories on parenting. All you need to do is :
Write a fresh post.
Link back to my post.
Use the hashtag #MommyTalks
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We all fall prey to something called “confirmation bias”, where we notice things that reinforce our beliefs or fears, and fail to notice all the things that don’t fit the pattern. As a result, we don’t feel like coincidences are really just coincidences, even though they are. If we are thinking of someone and that person happens to call just at the moment we think of him, it seems meaningful. But we forget all the people we think about all day who don’t call us as we think about them. We think it’s amazing when we have a dream that seems to make a successful prediction, but we ignore all the dreams that don’t. The same is true of the comments people make, good or bad. Small children tend to get sick quite easily when they are around other children and the weather is bad. That’s normal. As for that unpleasant guest, I wouldn’t invite him again.
While I completely understand your point about being safe rather than sorry and a motherly instinct creeping in, I find it quite a weird thing to say that your son / daughter or any family member would fall sick straight on the face. Quite bizarre to be honest.
While I generally don’t believe in the evil eye, situations like you mentioned surely make one wonder if this evil eye concept is true after all.
I’m kind of torn over it. One one hand, many instances which occur make us believe in the eye. Plus, if our ancestors conceived this philosophy, there obviously was a reason to it; a reason we don’t know now. On the other hand, being a student of rationale like you, I sometimes believe that such beliefs are absurd.
Maybe there is proof in the scriptures about the validation of the evil eye, but we probably use it a lot more freely than they experienced. Hope M recovered quickly.
What kind of people would say such a thing for anyone, and more so for a child!
In my opinion how the ‘Evil Eye’ works is, when someone tells us something that is unpleasant or shocking or not what we want to hear, it keeps going around in our mind. Our subconscious and thoughts are so powerful that we keep thinking about it and make it happen, manifestation 🙂
Wishing M health and happiness always. God Bless her.
Who says these things to a mom about their child? I believe when it comes to our kids, we tend to follow or believe all these things sometimes but we should not become slave to them. A mother’s instinct is always right about her child. I think it’s more important to follow that instead of any superstitions. Wishing speedy recovery to M.
I’m going with Rosemary on the confirmation bias bit. It can be disconcerting when things we don’t expect, happen. More so when they are negative. And as much as I would like to say I do not believe in the evil eye, a part of me wonders if there is some basis for it. For my part though I also strongly believe in the principle of attracting the good. 2016 has been rough for many people but for me, I have cherished every moment, even the bad ones. At the end of the day, M should be healthy. That’s all that matters. Don’t give too much credence to what people say.
Been there, Nabanita. I never even as much as spent a second believing such things in my life before I became a mom. I’ve herad people say these things but also brushed them off as baseless. But, after that, I’ve had way too many co-incidences to believe that there there is something which appears as co-incidence on the one side and Evil-eye on the other, you know, like two sides to the same coin. This has happened with some specific people in my case. So, now I infer that there is something unnatural when certain people say certain things. In my case, it happens when they say some very nice things. Like, there is this lady in the family who always has a way of saying, ‘”Oh how lucky you are, your son is so talented”. And the very next day my son falls ill very mysteriously. If we’re going on a holiday, she’ll say, “Have fun, you guys are going to have a wonderful time! Enjoy”. Strangely, this time again, some misfortune befalls us and we are stuck in a very difficult situation, even before we’ve reached our destination. There are some people like that Naba, who have that effect and I try never to tell them anything about our lives. Can’t explain how that works though! Quite baffling, to be honest!!
I hope little M is feeling much better now.
You know, Nabanita, ideally we must not be believing in such things, being progressive thinkers that I would like to believe we all are. Having said that, such comments do leave us feeling unsettled and fretting all the time. The only thing we can do, is be braver than we are and believe in the good. Pray for the health and happiness of our dear ones and leave the higher power to deal with all the negativity. Amusing though these words might seem, that’s what my mother advices me when I face similar situations.
Not a very nice guest! When we say something or someone says something to us and then that that thing happens in close timing our brain tries to connect the two and we begin to believe we predicted something, when in actual fact it was just a coincidence. These things reinforce superstitions and our logical brain knows that, but still we question it. When I was 8 I told my family we were going to be in a car accident as I was getting into the car. We did, it was an awful one and the drunk driver that hit our car died. As a child I couldn’t reason that it was not my fault and I carried the guilt around for years believing that the accident only happened because I said it would. I connected them, and at 8 I couldn’t see the logical side. The truth is kids probably say that all the time, and they don’t have accidents, but because we did I assumed I cursed us. Obviously I had no control over the endless hours this young man drank for, or the fact he decide to get into a car and speed. I think in your case any one could say that about a child, kids get sick ever other week, so it’s a sure bet the your little one would end up sick at some point and he would look like he was right. Thanks for linking up #mg
It is one thing to be honest, another to say something so obviously mean. Sorry about your guest saying what s/he said, Naba.
As for belief in the evil eye, I think those who say and do nasty things, and always see the worst side of things are the ones with it. Steer clear of toxic people and those who add negativity to your life.
The casting of the evil eye, I think, is pure coincidence. If one person’s predictions actually happen repeatedly, people believe. 🙂
I hope M gets better real soon.
I can so connect with you over the fact that as I am growing older, I am finding it harder to dismiss such beliefs. Sometimes the mind just tells me what the harm in giving into this. And this very thought is where the germ for the belief ot stay starts to take root.
Having said all this, I very strongly believe in “nazar” – its our feelings that we put into the universe which do come into play – thats why they say be careful what you wish for; thoughts to manifest into actions.
Hope M is doing good now.
Cheers
Hope M feels better soon. I feel it’s just a coincidence. Sometimes even mothers can predict when their kids will fall sick just by understanding the change in weather. I don’t know why your friends would have said it… Why not Ask them… Did they feel it or saw anything that lead them to say that… Not in a confronting way but just to understand what made them say.
It’s good to be back and read your posts again 🙂
How ridiculous of the guest to say that? It would leave a doubt in your mind. About believing or disbelieving, I used to put a kala tikka on my kids. It was harmless and I felt it better to be done with it. There are so many things that science cannot explain. I would rather not break my head over those. Hope M is doing better now.
What a thing for a guest to say!! That’s just terrible! I’ve never heard about the evil eye, it’s something we use as a phrase here, “giving someone the evil eye” as in looking at them in a nasty way, but I’ve never heard about it in this context! #mg
That is certainly the last thing that I would ever say to another parent! I think as you say that there there is an element of coincidence in these things as children do get sick all the time and it was likely totally unrelated. I also agree with you that there is no harm in being open to concepts as long as they don’t harm anyone. It’s difficult as a Mum because quite rightly – you don’t want to take any risks. Hope your little one is feeling better now x #mg
Hope to hear M feeling better now. I too can not stand the words of your guest. Please be away of any such negative thoughts and persons.
I did begin to believe in the evil eye for a short while when the kids were small but now I’m back to my old self that rejects all of this. The thing is when the kids are young and fall ill frequently and are in so much discomfort, you want to do just about anything to avoid that. A small black tika seems a small price to pay. I have to say your guests were the rudest ever. How on earth can one say such a thing to a parent? I hope the little one is better now.
On a happier note Yay to the brand new linky. I’m in of course. #mg
Certainly his behavior was atrocious.
What a guest!
Found you on MicroblogMondays…
And nope, no harm in knocking on wood or throwing salt over your shoulder once in a while.
I like your charm a lot.
Blue marbles, I have long heard, are good luck!
Omg! like this person said this? sorry to hear that. I believe in the touch wood/touch gold part. Like if some one says – how you never get sick, I would say touch wood to ward off the evil eye. But nothing more than that. I know as parents you guys would ave felt so bad and confused too. Try the kala tikka though with M. It works 😉
Well, a lot of people in our country believe in the same. Though you raise some valid points but beliefs are beliefs Check this post on desi Traveler blog which has been shared more than 1500 times by readers 🙂 does it tells you something ? Nazar Battu In India
It is there alright, evil is around us and I think some people bring negativity along with them.
But we must be extra careful to avoid these….Nazar to hum utar hi dete hai..:)
I feel the evil energies get powerful and feed on our fears. Our beliefs work on these fears. And that’s how this whole cycle thrives on. An interesting take on the concept from a mother’s point of view, Naba.
I didn’t grow up with a belief in the evil eye specifically, but there are lots of things that I would *say* I don’t believe, but sometimes act like I believe. My mother would say she wasn’t superstitious, and yet she regularly says things like “you brought your umbrella so, of course, it didn’t rain!” I think I’ve inherited some of that way of thinking, even though, like you, I feel conflicted about it!
I’ve heard elders saying that the power of tongue of certain people can be strong. Probably your guest has it powerful. Again it’s something similar to the evil eye thing, making us wriggle between to believe or not to believe. However, ever since my son was born, the protective mother in me, out of fear, has started to believe. I sometimes round salt around his head and wash it away as a nazar-relieving custom. I guess it’s more to do with a mom’s insecurity than the truth in the phenomenon.
I never beleived in evil eye but after i became a mother, i followed some traditions to remove the evil eye. I think, our ancestors beleived that something bad would happen to kid if people feel jealousy or spread negative vibrations. Whatever may be the scientific reason, your guest shouldn’t have talked like that. No parents want to hear bad about their kids.
Never beleived in evil eye until i became a mother. This concept might be related to bad vibrations spread by some people. Whatever may be the scientific explanation, you guest shouldn’t have talked like that.
What kind of a person would say that about a child? Please take him off your guest list like forever.
Having said that, even if I’m not a parent I have seen such patterns occur pretty often in my life. I was born to middle class parents and my rise in life whether personally or professionally is something my relatives cannot digest. Especially since I fell in love with someone within the family and am leading a very very happy life today. I’m way too practical to believe in such things, but at times I do. It maybe the conformation bias as Rosemary suggests above, but it has happened way too many times in my life for me to ignore it. Any time we inform people about something good in our lives, it tends to go kaput. Especially our close family. So what we now do is keep every good news to ourselves and inform others only if necessary. Stupid maybe, but better safe than sorry.
Be careful with M. I’ve had bad experiences myself so I might be being a bit too skeptical. But it never hurts to be safe. Just try not to involve too many people in your plans or happiness. I’m not saying that this is the evil eye, but just to be on the safer side.
I never believed in nazar lagna till I became a mother. I have had so many experiences of this evil eye. Once AG had severe cough and congestion. We went to the doctor and gave him the complete course of 5 days and there was no change in him. He took another course of 5 days and still his cough was so bad that it would bring tears in our eyes. 10 days of medicines and no respite. While we were on our way to the doc on day 10, our driver suggested that we touch his head with the mitti of a tiraha. And you will not believe it but next morning AG woke up as if he never had that terrible cough. I have been a science student and always believed in logic and reasoning but that day something in me changed. There is something about the evil eye whether we believe it or not!
It’s unfortunate how so.etimes people could be harsh and say things they aren’t supposed to say.Nevertheless I don’t really go by the evil eye( though agree he mommy aide of me does make me ponder often about it) . But I quickly brush it away. Most of the times it’s just mere coincidence.
Never really believed in the evil eye.Moat of the time it is mere coincidence. But it harsh for ur guest to speak in a manner which should not be done.
I hope M is doing good now. That was a really unpleasant and rude guest. Some people say extra nice things and things go wrong (as many people believe).
I don’t believe in evil eye. I am sure it was just a coincidence. Little children fall sick often. Once I asked my doctor ‘It’s 3rd time he fell sick in 7 month!’ ‘He would fall sick 5 times until he turns 5-6. Now he has been exposed to the outer world. Goes to pre-school and all that.’ The doctor said right away. I felt bad when he said that but it’s somehow true.
One of my close relatives suggested to tie some kind of taabeez on his arms but I refused. From my own experiences, I know that these things don’t work.
But, I know that our little ones make us weak. Certain incidents, like this one, do compel us to think. I used to put kaala tika on my child’s forehead/tie kaala dhaaga on his wrist because people asked me to. I usually forgot to do that.
I think it’s best to not think much. Relax and take care. Over thinking disturbs. Just Be careful. 🙂
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