Am I Enough?

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If I asked you to draw and express who you were as a person, what would you draw?

 

Well, think about that for a while. We’ll come back to that later. Let me tell you what I drew and where this question stemmed from.

 

A couple of months back we had a team building activity at work. A fun activity really to get to know each other. An icebreaker of sorts. And let’s just say that the seeds for this post were sown there.

 

It is possible to express ourselves in more ways than one and it doesn’t always have to be through words.

 

Well, we were asked to represent ourselves using pen and paper but without words. Obviously, we wondered how that would even be possible. Don’t we always need words to express ourselves, to explain and enunciate as to who we are? But that’s where we were wrong. Well, not so much wrong as shortsighted. The fact is we had completely missed the point. It is possible to express ourselves in more ways than one and it doesn’t always have to be through words. We could represent who we were through pictures. Yes? The only thing we had to do was draw. Not really portraits but a representation of what describes us best, what comes to mind when we think of the answer to – who am I?

 

And we did.

 

Who-Am-I?

 

Now I’m terrible when it comes to drawing. There’s not one cell in my body that is made to draw. But you gotta do what you gotta do. So, I drew the only things that made sense to me as a person. I have an idea as to who I am. A book and a pen came closest to that thought, that idea. And that’s what you see above.

 

Another interesting aspect of the activity was that we didn’t know what the other person had drawn. So, each one of us had to walk across the board on which the drawings were put up and write down our interpretation of it. In a way, we were writing down our perception of the person without knowing who he or she was.

 

Surprisingly or perhaps not so surprisingly many got it right when it came to my idea of myself in the present and of what I wish for.

 

But that’s when it hit me.

 

Am I only that? Surely no because I donΒ so many hats during the day on any given day. But what if in this rush to don different hats and do everything, I’m accomplishing nothing. What if I’m stagnating, unlike others who have just one focus area and have the opportunity and time to excel in that? What if I end up not being excellent in any of the things I’m doing? What if I’m to remain replaceable and forgettable? It hit me that whatever I am or whatever I’m doing may not be enough.

 

Am I enough? #SelfDoubt Click To Tweet

 

A deluge of questions, right? Well, I think my time-bound existence these days is a reason for such sudden outbursts of self-doubt. I really want to do well in everything I do. Of course, that’s not humanly possible. The paucity of time makes me irritable and at times insecure about my progress because while I’m working on something, I have a million other things going on in my head. I don’t have the luxury of focusing just on one thing and forgetting about everything else. Perhaps, that’s my shortcoming. I guess I have my hands in too many pies and I don’t even want to take help or delegate.

 

You might be thinking how did I go from a fun activity down the spiral of self-doubt? Truth is, it’s always there on my mind these days. I’m scared of stagnating. I’m worried that I’ll accomplish nothing in life and that’s not a good feeling. I see everyone around me forging ahead and there’s only one question in my mind. How do they do it? How do they find the time?

 

A long hard look at myself and I feel I’m lacking something. I’m just mediocre and it worries me. But that thought is misplaced because there is nothing wrong with being mediocre. I guess the stress of juggling so many things is getting to me which leads me to wonder if I’m enough.

 

I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that I’m Enough!

 

But before you go tell me, if I asked you to draw and express who you were as a person, what would you draw?

 

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17 thoughts on “Am I Enough?

  1. Quite an interesting thought. I can identify With it so well for mediocricy scares me too. I have high expectations of myself be it in terms of my blogs or at the workplace or as a mum but I realised it can be draining. While I put in my best I am learning to let go and not fret over things beyond my control, one cannot be a A++ all the time. But the effort to is worth it.

  2. The office activity does appear like fun and may be I would like to know what others drew for themselves and what were the interpretations for them. Juggling too many pies is the effects of being a ‘full-time’ mother inspite of being a working mom and managing to stay afloat. Many days, months, years thus pass in this struggle of keeping the self sewed together and somewhere down the line peace has to be sought amidst all this. And, this must not be deciphered with making peace with mediocrity. Let me tell you – You are enough.
    Anamika Agnihotri recently posted…5 ways I work to deal with my yelling problem #MondayMusingsMy Profile

  3. You are doing so much, Naba, and very ably as well. You are a sincere, loving and honest person and so very committed to doing your best both at work and as a woman. How can that ever be mediocre? I loved that exercise. Let me try to draw something though it is not one of my sterling qualities. πŸ™‚
    Rachna recently posted…6 Common Questions I Hear as a BloggerMy Profile

  4. I feel like that on so many days, Nabanita. The fear of being mediocre kills me from within. In trying to excel in some aspects I now feel I’ve grossly neglected myself in many others and the sense of mediocrity just wipes out all positive thoughts out of my mind. Let me tell you, however, you are doing a fab job of balancing everything. We’re all WIP remember, and so, the more you introspect, the higher the chances of self-development leading you in the right direction. And btw, you draw well enough to express yourself with such clarity. I can see how this exercise can be an excellent way to increase our self-awareness. Did something similar on a management training program, years back. Brought back some lovely memories.

  5. Office activities always put you in a pickle, don’t they? Thankfully for me, I’m in charge of these activities and I can plan them based on my comfort. Most of the activities I plan are based on the team talking to one another and getting to know each other better. If I had to draw myself, I would draw me with at least ten hands and each hand handling ten tasks. It might look like a cross between a Goddess and an octopus. I have fairly decent drawing skills, but the picture in my head might be difficult to be put on paper πŸ˜€

    And to answer your question, you are more than enough, Naba. We women tend to think less of us all the time and at times the people around us only add to this doubt. The best way to get over this is to use the magic word “IGNORE”. Let them think what they want. You stick on your self belief and do what you have to do. Trust me whatever you do, it is always enough. It is the others for whom it will never be enough.

    You stay awesome, stay rocking.
    Soumya recently posted…Long May She ReignMy Profile

  6. I loved reading this one. This makes me want to self-retrospect and think where am I headed in life.

    And you are a wonderful soul ANyone who has been reading you would agree with me. It takes extra- ordinary guts to speak your mind in public.

  7. Are you happy Nabanita?If you are, you are enough!That’s the only reason I do stuff to make me and my family happy.Everything starts from that.

  8. I might draw the same. A pen and a book. I always am a writer (blogger) at heart, and an avid bookworm. Is that enough? I think so. It makes me happy. And that’s what matters in the end. But you are right. There is that self doubt that nags at times, and it’s important to remind myself once in a while that as long as I am happy, that is enough. πŸ™‚
    Vinay Leo R. recently posted…Anything but books… #MondayMusingsMy Profile

  9. I probably draw the cool emoticon… Happy and fun and a bit of know it all. I know it doesn’t say much but that is what I always want to be. The hobbies and goals keep changing, but the core remains the same – to be happy. Too much philosophy eh

    Don’t be so bogged down by what you haven’t achieved. Everyone is leading a different life with different priorities. You too have a priority so don’t feel bad about not having enough time for other things. One day at a time my dear… It’s challenging but will overcome it.

  10. I think I would draw a whole lot of things – a globe with an aeroplane, some good food and a bottle of wine, friends, a sunset and a flower (because I take joy in beauty), yes a pen and a book, or perhaps a computer, because I have an active online life. The thing is, I wouldn’t draw just one thing, because I don’t just have one facet to me. It might be fine for people who are good at just one thing, but I can’t imagine anything more boring than being so focused on one thing that all the other interests in my life, and all my other skills, were ignored. There’s nothing wrong with being an interesting person with a lot of activities. And perfectionism is to be avoided, because no-one is perfect, and if you’re perfect in one area, then others will suffer too.

    I hope you realise you ARE enough! We all are. We just have to believe it, and tell those nasty little voices in our heads to go away!

  11. Don’t know how I would draw myself – maybe a whole bunch of question marks, maybe a lot of lines trying to connect the seemingly unrelated things I do…

    But I share your fear of stagnation, Nabanita. I think when we start feeling we are enough, we set out towards the downward spiral. Maybe that’s why Charles Bukowski said, “intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”

    Superb post Nabanita. It’s going to make me reflect and ponder all day.

  12. Drawing isn’t a strength but if I could I probably would draw a person climbing a mountain that reaches high up into the sky. That’s how I feel somedays. I identify with that dread of being mediocre and forgettable. But then sometimes being kind and sincere and just nice should be enough. It’s exhausting to keep being the best at everything. And you Naba are doing what a lot of women cannot. Managing home and work and a small baby isn’t easy. Just focus on making yourself happy and everything else will fall into place. That’s the advice I’m giving myself too :-).
    Obsessivemom recently posted…Five ways to trounce the anger demonMy Profile

  13. Let’s start in reverse. You are enough. More than enough, and perfectly so.
    We all have those moments of self-doubt, but we need to chug along. And when needed pick ourselves up and give us a pat on the back on jobs or roles well done.
    The office activity sounds like a lot of fun – great team building activity.
    If I really had to draw something to represent myself, I’d say a figure 8. I sort of look like a human embodiment of that. And when I lie down, I’m infinity πŸ˜€
    Sid recently posted…Alt – ToleranceMy Profile

  14. I’d probably draw my relationships — the people close to me — because I think I sometimes define myself through those connections. Books. A video game controller. Pen and paper. Cookies (for baking). But this is a really hard activity; to sum up a person with a few pictures.

  15. I really dont know what I would draw, maybe me and my kids I suppose , or me reading and writing. Naba, you are enough, hats of to you as you manage work, your daughter your blog and your whole life. There shouldnt be a reason to doubt yourself,

    Glad you brought out this interesting activity. Its got me thinking on what exactly I would draw.

  16. Good topic. Hat wearing is a talent. Continue to envision, write, and draw happiness. And, yes, you are enough.

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